A Little More Personal

I'm about to get personal so don't read if you're easily made uncomfortable.

Nick and I have just entered out 7th month of trying to get pregnant.

I know it takes numerous other people much longer to conceive than that, but that really doesn't help with the disappointment.

I never knew when we first started trying how involved of a process it would become. Timing is everything and spontaneity goes out the window.

Looking a screen saying "Not Pregnant" easily ruins a good day.

While talking to friends about their children, you can't help but feel a tinge of jealously.

When you work in a bookstore, and the million tabloids tell you that half of Hollywood is pregnant and half of those pregnancies was accidental, you can't help but feel a little angry.

You start to wonder how all the high school kids are getting pregnant, but you, the financially responsible, married woman, cannot.

You live your life in two week increments known as before ovulation and after ovulation.

You overanalyze every single twinge your body feels and every wave of nausea you feel.

You doubt yourself every month and think that something "must" be wrong with you.

There are a few positives, however.

I have grown closer to my husband than I ever thought possible.

Each month I am not pregnant, the reality that the next month could be it becomes more precious.

Nick and I have been able to thoroughly enjoy more time as "just the two of us" before it is never like that again.

I've become more close to my friends who have children and have learned a great deal.

I've realized that it will happen in its own time and when it does it will be a great blessing.